wrong was wrong

U came to go... Jaane Ke liye hi aaya tha... 

U never wanted to stay.. 

If start is wrong everything goes wrong... 

To build anything u need to put right foundation... 

N for that u need to clear your grounds first.. 

Need to clear the dirt... 

Dig the whole....make space... Sow the foundation... 

And then start building... 

closing thoughts

I asked u do many questions...at last one day you gave me an answer...  'life without you '.

All questions got dissolved... All fights got over. 

Well i wanted this to work... But everything i did went wrong.  I thought in Indore we ll finally have time... But it's funny...  Yes i wanted last time n all... But u needed your peace, you thought i would abandon you afterwards... So i understood you don't want me anymore... N its OK.. Everyone has their own choice. 

I know i did a lot of mistakes n sometimes i just think what could i have done differently that could make this relationship for forever... I can't undo what i have done... But certainly i can apologize for that.  I had issues... N before going into any relationship i would just want to clear those blockages n heal myself now... Even if it's with u... Whatever we set new beginning with boundaries... 

If u want we can still meet.. We can also practice meditation together... To heal each other... 

.

But this is not serving me... I needed clarity which i never get.... When i wanted something badly ..u were determined to take control or being in charge.  TBH i have asked many times.. What am i doing here?  Why i am with him?... How casually u talk about other women... May it's just my insecurities... But isn't u the one who created this?. 

I know u won't stay now... U ll run away... Coz u have another girl in mind n another goal to serve... Go ahead... Why shall i cause unnecessary trouble. 

.

I still wanted it to work... Coz i know i ll miss u... U were special to me.  How funny is it... We say special n we hurt them the most. .

.

N about me... It's just timeline... If i win... It would be my game otherwise it's what parents want now. 

N sex.. Well i am not a one night stand person... So obviously i won't be doing randomly anywhere ever.  Last time also i did but i didn't liked it at all... 

But yes BDSM... If not with u... I won't b able to do with anyone... I know that. 

those words

I want to have those words... 

Which were never spoken.. 

Which were misunderstood 

Which came out in the wrong time... 

Which i lacked

Which were never with me... 

Not even in bad times... 

Not even in desperate times... 

Not for praising

Not for fixing... 

Which were scarse all the time... 

I want to have those words... 

cant run

U Can run from whole world but can you run from yourself.

.

 taking responsibility for omens action is necessary you can satisfy or act for others but are you satisfy yourself you know what you are from inside . Sometimes you need to go with them and look for yourself are you running just for others. You can run from whole world what can you learn from yourself can you deny the outcomes the facts of your deeds take hold on them and don't run from yourself

those words

I want to have those words... 

Which were never spoken.. 

Which were misunderstood 

Which came out in the wrong time... 

Which i lacked

Which were never with me... 

Not even in bad times... 

Not even in desperate times... 

Not for praising

Not for fixing... 

Which were scarse all the time... 

I want to have those words... 

kuch log

Bas kuch rishtey hi Na nibha sake... 

Kuch nai Hum sochte reh gaye... 

Aur kuch nai jhijhakte... 

.

Khushnaseeb hai Vo.. 

Jinhe dost se badkar apne mil jaate hai... 

Kuch hasne aur jeene K Bahane mil Jaate hai.... 

.

give life a chance

Empty walls empty rooms empty stairs empty streets 

Not finding that soothness that courage

To change the life I don't like

Yet why I want something that is not right... 

Something that was so numb... 

It won't get same love... Same lies I have been telling to myself... 

Give life a chance... 

I gave it... Twice. 

It dragged me to same point... Shattered,  teased,  laughed at me once again... 

It treated me like a joke for empty words ...

No promises... 

No respect what so ever.... 

The colors that I fill are running away... 

I see slowly how winters are coming back... N how everything ll freeze... 

Like it never happened... 

You should be at point where nothing matters...  It should not touch you or effect u... 

But is it just about expecting?  

Pain... I guess this pain is better... 

It ll stay when everything leaves. 

pain

Jaha zindagi lamho mai kati हो... To इसे बड़ी कैसे कहूं...

जब गम का सहारा ही मिला हो तो इससे जुदा कैसे हो...

Dhoka जब zindagi ka दूसरा naam हो तो ispe भरोसा क्या करे... कब छोड़ जाए क्या भरोसा...

.

Pain is like alcohol... U know its bad for u... But u want to be in it more and more... The pain n remission process is addictive.... It forgets light around.. The good things around... N let u did in the darkness.. 

ab nahi

Ab nahi Gawana hai waqt... 

Ab nahi shattered Khud Ko... 

Ab nahi rakhna is dil ko dukhi...

Us dukh se jo guzre waqt Mai Mila...

Jise Maine yun sanjon ke rakha... 

Din mai das dafa dohra ke jiya... 

moving on

Yes its necessary to move on... But move on doesn't mean.. To supress...... To regret to blame yourself...

It's ok things can change... So does your perspective of things.. And so does your way of dealing your problems...

Yes it was lovely at that time... But it's no more there... It doesn't belong with you... 

.

Tearing down your walls is not easy... Worst is when it start damaging your surroundings... You can see, understand but probably unable to pick up those roses...

.

Sorry doesn't mean deletion of hurt and pain caused at the particular time...

Relationship are not business to deal with nor a grocery shopping...

is a girl independent?

Why a girl needs permission? From parents or from husband? Or in laws? 

Every person is independent and have their rights to make their own decisions... When law permits it why can't you? 

Don't Rott your plant by overprotecting it... Let it grow... Let it cut... Let it learn. 

Why it's other people who tells us what we can't do.?

Girls can't wrestle, can't fight, can't drive properly, can't.... Oh bloody can't... 

Why my dreams are harder to fulfill than yours? 

Why I have to rely on someone else for my life decisions? 

Why there is a line for me? 

Why I have been told my limitations? 

Why there is to be difference between pursuing your life as a girl and as a guy? 

Why you have to scare the girl to go out in this world? 

Why can't I fight my own fight? 

Why I need a man? 

Why if I want to respect your decision... You can't respect my dreams? 

Why my certain Dreams are valid and certain dreams are not valid.?

Why in life lessons I need to learn to sit at home,Take care of my family ?

Why you take hold on my life... While u are messed up in yours? 

Why you are scare of a stronger girl? 

Why you don't understand love and only understand rebel. 

It's not just save girl child... You need to nurture her, educate her... And please when you do... Have faith and provide independence or it must be snatched. 

Don't tell me that time has changed and women is all independent and all... It has changed in some part of the world but not everywhere... N if even one is having a 'can't 'in her life.... It's not over yet... 

easy dreams

Those who settle for whatever they got... They are all well settled... And soon tierd, bored and unhappy. 

Just those who dreams to be different are the ones which struggle more... But are energetic and happy 

Sure few lives are easy, because their dreams are easy... 

.

Never be in yes or no... In any situation in life.... Be clear.

. 

Don't stop st one blessings move ahead n discover more... (spiritually) 

.

When you stop giving you get numb and numb day by day... Even a selfless smile is giving..

When you give others it opens up your energy blocks.... It clears your path... U are benefitting yourself more than others...

.

A simple compliment is also hard for some...

Emotions and vibrations are very powerful thing to give... And we give it constantly and subconsciously.

unlovable

Hi I might never give give it to you as a person that I think my behaviour was also not good as you know it was all filled with anger and resentment anger to what have you done and why you are just and why can't you leave always I used to think why is just behind MI but  I also wanted to be with you I never understood.

I don't have any understanding to communicate and what I was feeling that what I was not liking that to tell you that ok I am not liking this thing please don't do this instead of communicating I I prefer to be more anger. I was like why don't you understand when you don't understand I used to be in anger that you are not understanding

. I lost all the respect I had for you I ignored you badly I thought that would make you go always but still I was making a Bond strongly with you

Aur when I had bad mood I use to shout and react badly and I think that you understand that it's my bad mood and I need you you are not all wrong in you said it who was was me always in the denominator was me s I never want to be with you but i want to do hold you

..

Nobody can love person who just shouts

. In the end I have to myself more than you I did more damage to myself

I never listen to my heart was saying good - and how I was feeling

do u miss me?

No i don't cry for you... Except for sometimes... 

No i don't need you now... Except for sometimes... 

No i don't want to snatch you... 

No i don't want to keep you... 

No i don't get angry on you... 

No i don't fight with you... 

Except for sometimes... 

But unlike before now it seems empty...  An no echo point ... It's not absorbing... 

It's not connecting... 

It's not making a bridge now... 

Not even sometimes... 

Maybe you have stopped missing me. 

aansu

Shayad kuch Dino mai in Aansuon ki jagah na reh jaye... Bite din sapne se lagne lage... 

Jo Kal tha Vo kabhi nahi hoga Ab... 

Gum iska rahega ya jo Hum Ab hai Vo Kal na the iska... 

Darr lagta hai Khud se... 

Apne Purane Khud se... 

Darr hai Ki Ab Koi aur jagah na hogi... 

Aur Koi mauka shayad zindagi na degi.. 

Bohat kuch nagawara tha... 

Par Khud ko alag dhang se , sudharne ki kabhi nahi sochi... 

Socha to Bas... Kyu nahi?  Kyu aisa?  Mai Kyu? 

Khud ko pehle rakhna, Khud ka gussa... 

Kya Sirf seh Lena...  Kya Sirf Chup rehna hi har chiz ka jawab hai? 

Pyar kya hai?  Vo ehsaas jo Aapko Kamzor banaye?  Jo bebas rote hue bhi sath DE?  Acha na lage par alag hi ha sake.? 

Ya..  Ek Sahara jo hamesha sath nibhaaye, wafadari Ke sath ...